In the latest episode of the “BETTER TOGETHER” podcast, co-hosts Kenny and Carol dove into a topic vital for any lasting relationship: the things you must leave behind and the things you must keep in front of you as you move through life together.
Moving from their usual coffee talk to a nighttime Coke Zero chat, the married duo shared how they are getting into their flow, encouraging listeners to check out their previous episode on Core Values and try the exercise with their own families or organizations.
The central theme of this episode was about how couples can find unity and forward momentum by consciously deciding what to focus on and what to let go of. Before sharing their own joint list, Carol encouraged listeners to create their own list with their significant other—a powerful exercise in awareness and unity.
→ Things to Leave Behind
Kenny and Carol began by discussing the pain points that couples should agree to drop and not revisit. Leaving these behind is critical for a relationship to heal and grow:
- Past Mistakes: As Carol put it, forgiveness is critical. Dwelling on old slights or arguments is toxic. Once a mistake has been discussed, and an apology offered, both partners need to make an effort to let it go.
- The Desire to “Be Right”: Kenny stressed that marriage is a partnership, not a competition. Constantly needing to win an argument creates an adversarial dynamic. Successful couples prioritize peace and understanding over having the last word.
- Controlling Tendencies: Carol noted that trust and space are vital. Attempting to control your partner’s life breeds resentment and fear. Allowing each other individual freedom strengthens the bond.
- Blame: Focusing on whose fault a problem is, Kenny argued, is an exercise in futility. Strong couples work together to find a solution, rather than pointing fingers.
→ Things to Place in Front of You
To ensure you’re heading toward shared goals and a healthy future, Kenny and Carol shared the things that must be kept at the forefront of the relationship:
- Forgiveness: Kenny listed forgiveness again, but this time as a conscious choice to continually make, freeing both partners from resentment and allowing for healing.
- High Standards for Behavior: Carol shared that the most successful couples refuse to accept hurtful or disrespectful behavior from the start, setting a standard of mutual respect that protects the relationship from toxic habits.
- Effective Communication: A strong partnership requires the ability to talk openly and honestly about everything. Kenny emphasized active listening and dedicated time for uninterrupted conversation—talking to listen, not to respond.
- Shared Goals and Dreams: As a unified team, couples need to share their aspirations for the future and work together to achieve them, giving the relationship purpose and direction.
- Mutual Respect and Appreciation: Kenny reminded listeners to always treat your partner with dignity and frequently express gratitude for even small acts of kindness, which keeps the emotional bank account full.
- Quality Time and Shared Experiences: Carol emphasized the importance of making time for each other, away from distractions. She suggested starting with a small 30-minute weekly conversation that focuses on positive shared topics (not bills, children, or medical issues) and building up from there to keep the friendship and intimacy alive.
→ Community Shoutout
The co-hosts also took a moment to send a shoutout to a nonprofit in honor of National Depression and Mental Health Screening Month (October). They highlighted the DL Handy Foundation for their work with Mental Health Awareness, specifically promoting their annual “Christmas in Paris Ball,” themed The Great Gatsby Edition, on Saturday, December 20th in Athens. To learn more visit https://dlhandyfoundation.org/
In closing, Kenny and Carol reinforced that investing time into your relationship is key to keeping it strong, encouraging couples to keep pouring into it so they don’t grow apart over time.
What are two or three items you and your partner would put on your own “Leave Behind” and “Place in Front” lists?